Forgiveness Files - CFC

Dear CFC,

I've long since forgiven you for falling in love with another while still sharing my bed.  A fact you denied with every fiber of your being but which came into full clarity in the months after, which I knew in my heart from the minute she walked into your life.  She is now your wife.

But this isn’t a letter about right and wrong or placing blame.  In fact I want to thank you for being a brief part of my life.  You walked in when I was in a place of healing, finding my happy and when you left I was once again broken but this time I had the tools to put the pieces back together again, to line them up in the most perfect of ways and to become happier than I had ever been.  More aware, carefree and authentic.

The year after you was for growing fully into me, healing my heart and becoming best friends with the man I fell in love with. That I married. Starting all from the moment you checked out. For that I thank you. 

I also forgive you. 

I forgive you for all that you took from me both emotional and material. I forgive you for the rent you never paid me and the borrowed money that you returned just a small fraction of. I forgive all your debts fully knowing that you were never going to pay them anyway. For that I forgive myself.

I forgive you for your lies and secrets, for making me doubt all that I knew deep inside.  There were times when you made me feel insignificant and a little bit crazy but I know now that it was only because I let you – let your actions inform my feelings something you I should never have let you influence.  I’m stronger now.

I’m also softer.

After you I became fully free and completely me.

And I found love.  True love.

You were part of my life for such a short time and a tiny part of me held on to what you never gave me for too long now – a fact I’m only just realizing.  So I wish you well in your life ahead, one I never fully fit into and I will forever give thanks for what you ultimately gave me when you walked away - my true love, my husband. 

Jacqueline