I was catching up with a dear friend today on messenger, the basis of communication for most of our relationship. We have never lived closely - never even in the same city it seems. We have for a while at least lived in the same timezone and in was those random hours where our secrets and stories were shared. A true and honest friendship.
I always joke that there is no way he can speak at my wedding - he just knows too much.
But that's it really - he knows. He has heard of all my ups and downs in the world of boys, the good and the bad, the fun, adventurous and scandalous too. No holds barred.
He's commented in those times where someone with significance got a real name rather than an initial or some resounding quality that defined who they were. He's shared my tears and laughter, audacity and outrage. And he's shared too, his ups and downs and heart break.
And so we caught up again today from a place of complete contrast, both of us in such different places that we have been in so very long. Stable and solid relationships, real relationships. The ones that are steady and committed and going someplace better even as they remain great in these moments.
I am as happy for him as he is for me.
And I sit here and smile now as after all these years, the endless words of encouragement and faith for the future as we both agree on one thing that is different now in this place we now exist. One simple thing that has eluded us both for so long. So basic and true.
It is easy.
A true and loving, honest and authentic relationship has no games, no longing or questioning, no uncertainty or space. It's not being who we think they will like or a polished version of ourselves. It is simple and real.
I have never been more true to who I am deep inside that I am now. I feel safe and loved and can let go and be the utterly not so charming girl that I am at times and the love that S has for me never wanes or wavers. He laughs not at me but rather with me. He has my back and rolls his eyes when I'm over the top ridiculous. He is never far away. He sees exactly who I am, how I see myself - sometimes even better than I. As I do with him. Effortlessly.
True love isn't that of yearning and burning and endless desire. There is a flame that feels safe. A place to expose your wildest dreams, your deepest of fears and to just be you.
It's true what they say - when you love yourself exactly for who you are then true love finds it's way to you - and it does. Be yourself and feel love.
It is easy.